afuckingcastleintheclouds:

Leo Valdez Is Not Okay.

Leo Valdez is quite possibly the most fucked up character from HoO

I always see fanart and text posts of happy-go-lucky-teasing Leo 

which is great and fine

because that is a part of his personality

but, it just makes me sad because that line from TLH still rings in my head:

“Humor was a good way to hide the pain”

And then I remember, Leo Valdez is not even close to being okay…

His childhood seems to be alright. I mean, he’s still struggling with the whole deadbeat dad thing.  But he has his mom and a seemingly good relationship with the rest of his family. 

Oh, wait, except for his babysitter Tia Callida (Hera, in disguise) WHO HAD TORTUROUS TRAINING METHODS

LIKE PUTTING HIM IN FIRE

AND MAKING HIM PLAY WITH KNIVES

AND TRYING TO MAKE HIM POKE RATTLESNAKES

He isn’t even eight years old and this crazy lady is making him do all this weird shit.

And then when he’s 8, Gaea threatens him and tries to destroy him causing the fire which killed his mom

And yes, I know, Rick overused an annoying ‘dead mom’ trope

But don’t blame the writer’s mistakes on the character

He thought he killed his mom.

For about seven years.

Think about that - for basically half his life, HE 

THOUGHT

HE 

KILLED

HIS 

MOM

Because immediately after, his aunt rosa calls him a devil and gets his ENTIRE family to reject him

An 8 year old kid thinking that he killed his mom booted off to foster care because no one wanted him

So all of his memories with his mom are forever tainted

We know that he had lots of nightmares during his time in foster care and unfortunately, the foster care system in America is not the greatest.

So he constantly runs away from home to home

Never fitting in

Dealing with ADHD, dyslexia, and being a demigod

Being different from everyone else

Finally arriving at Wilderness School and becoming friends with Jason and Piper

But wait, his memories with Jason were fabricated

And Camp Half-Blood probably means a lot to a guy like Leo because maybe he can finally fit in.

Maybe just this once, he’ll be loved. Because this kid is just lonely and he wants to be loved

BUT OH WAIT, HE’S NOT EVEN A NORMAL DEMIGOD

CAN’T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT

Because he’s got fire abilities and the LAST demigod who could control fire caused St. Elmo’s Fire

Great. What a vote of confidence.

Leo also describes himself as an overgrown troll, constantly. It’s safe to say he pretty much hates himself. And so yeah, he feels sorry for himself a lot.

Now personally, I read Leo Valdez as bisexual (especially when it comes to his descriptions of Jason Grace, Narcissus *coughs* Nico *coughs*)

And Leo knows his people/emotional skills are shit. He’s already emotionally fucked up and already feels like an outcast. 

And he isn’t quite ready to deal with his sexuality so he just kind of sweeps it under the rug. 

I think his relentless, annoying pining from a girlfriend is derived from his inner desire to just fit in and be normal. He doesn’t see girls as people really. He appreciates their aesthetics but he sees them mostly as ‘things’ to represent ‘normalcy’.

This goes back to his childhood because let’s take a look at all the people Leo knew/cared about:

1. Mom - dead - still blames himself for her death (although he IS getting over that)

2. Tia Callida - Hera in disguise - made him do weird shit

3. Gaea - Made him use his fire powers to cause the massive fire

4. Tia Rosa - turned his family against him - hated him

5. Father - Hephaestus - deadbeat

So for most of his life, the people (especially the women) he knew or cared about, he didn’t have good emotional rapport with them and he doesn’t like dealing with those feelings

Yet, he still just wants to feel loved solely and entirely

And he doesn’t understand these feelings toward guys too

And he just wants to fit in

And even in Mark of Athena, Nemesis knows this and brings it up. She tells him, he’ll always be the seventh wheel. He’ll never fit in. He’ll always just be alone.

And he can’t deal with this inner turmoil and he doesn’t like thinking about his emotions.

So he just kind of sweeps it all under the rug and throws himself into machinery - something he understands

“Sexuality? Under the rug. Worthlessness? Under the rug. Feeling alone? Under the rug.”

He’s built a humorous, care-free facade to protect himself and also keep his mind off of what bothers him. 

Because it’s a defense mechanism. 

He’s especially vulnerable around Frank. Because like I said in my other post, when Frank first arrives, Annabeth trusts him more than Leo.

And that pisses Leo off so much.

Because FREAKING AGAIN

THIS IS ALL HAPPENING FREAKING AGAIN

He’ll never fit in - not even among his friends. 

But initially Frank, someone who breaks his view of the ‘normal’ personal in that Frank is overweight and unconventionally attractive, is more liked than Leo. At least, that’s what he fears. 

I think Franks stirs the worst in Leo because in Leo’s mind they ‘should’ be in the same boat but Frank has a girlfriend (representing ‘normalcy’ and love) and Leo’s still the outcast.

And so I think Rick COMPLETELY screwed Leo’s character over by making him ‘fall in love with Calypso’.

Because I think Leo needs to recognize the merit of platonic love. He’s so desperate for the concept of romantic love and I think he needs to cherish the friendships he has with the other Seven. He needs to work on how to maintain the balance between humor and insensitivity. I think his insensitivity is derived from the fact that his previous relationships with people always go to shit. And he doesn’t want to get too close, yet, like I said, the boy still wants to be loved. 

He needs to see his own worthiness and other people’s worth apart from his standards of ‘normal’. He needs to stop trying to fit into these imaginary, self-constructed ideals and just be. 

Leo Valdez is not okay. 

He has a massive inferiority complex. He’s not conventionally attractive, he idealizes wrong standards of normalcy (i.e. being straight, being hot, etc.) most likely derived from his inferiority complex as well as his preference to machinery.

Machines and things were ‘perfectly’ when everything is order. When everything makes sense. But people don’t make sense. People are unpredictable and different and he needs to learn to understand that. 

He needs time to grow and mature as a person and see other people as people too. 

Which is why I don’t get why Rick fucked him over so bad.

He’s my favorite character because boy is so incredibly flawed. He’s the most relatable in that people are so flawed.

But he cares and he tries and he fails a lot. 

And he does care about others - he feels guilty for thinking Hazel is pretty. He makes Frank the fireproof bag. His gestures say more about him than his words do, tbh. 

Now I’m not saying he’s just a ball of angst - I do think he likes humor. But a lot of him and a lot of the things he says are built from his stupid defense mechanisms.

Leo Valdez is not okay. But hopefully, he will be.